so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
