I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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