He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
