i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
