Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
honey bunches of taint.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
