one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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