It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
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He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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