Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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