i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
