Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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