I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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