I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
