it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
