I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
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I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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