part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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