Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
