OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
