You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
