I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
