why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Holy sore nipples Batman
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
