u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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