I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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