If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
