I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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