summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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