She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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