I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
