Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
