I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
