I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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