Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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