You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
