WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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