Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
