You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
