last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
