I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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