I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
