You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize