also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
