My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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