You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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