I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
