she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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