remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
