quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
