The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
