I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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