Where is the hickey?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
