def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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