Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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