Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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