the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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