Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
