I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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