i already hear my dad disowning me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
