My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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