I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
