I just saw a hot homeless man
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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