i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
