Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry about my life...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
