There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
