Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
