Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
