She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
