I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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