Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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