So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
