if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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