I'm sorry my penis didn't work
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
