i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your penis caused this!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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