Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
