Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
