Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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