Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
