my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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