I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
